Mothering Bravely - Part 1

"Life with sticky floors, but happy souls." - Amy Oliver


What are we doing as “mom”? On every good team each player knows exactly what her

role/position or mission is, and what she needs to do to be successful…to win! It is the

same in mothering. We have to know what we are doing and why we are doing it. We

need to have and know a clear mission in our mothering.

Have you ever stopped to think about how you will know you did your best at being a

mom? Or how you will measure your success? Every mother fears failing – and it is

likely that most of us currently feel like we are failing. However, failure is failing to take

action, and I know none of you are inactive. BUT, each of us could refine our efforts

and focus our work a bit more to ensure we are working toward what we want to


Write out a mission statement for your mothering. What do you want to see instilled in

your children before you launch them? You cannot measure your success based on their

choices – they have free will, but you can have peace of mind knowing you sowed into

what you predetermined was essential. We have been entrusted to shepherd our

children’s hearts, lets ensure that we are working toward that with each decision we


As I make decisions for my children, as I model things for them, as I impart things upon

them I want to make sure that what I am doing/saying/acting all point back to these

pain points. It is knowing what I am saying yes to in my life, why I am saying yes and

determining if it is best. If it fits with my mission. I can never complete my mission

without first knowing what it is. A brave mom determines her course and measures her

choices against it to ensure she is being congruent in thought, action, motive and



A brave mom looks at the way she orders her life. So the questions are….What takes up

our time, what is apart of our day that maybe shouldn’t be or vice versa – what isn’t but

should be? Ordering your life appropriately so that you can more freely enjoy what you

have been entrusted with is critical and essential.

In all likely hood you will not remember the tweet, status update, photo or video you

like on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram or any other social media sight in 1 month from

now, let alone 10 years from now. BUT you will remember the look on your child’s

face as you nurse them or feed them their bottle, as you watch them ride their bikes

knowing your looking on with encouragement, as you play with them in their room

with their favorite toy, as you cheer them on in their sport, as you tuck them in at night

and linger there for a few extra minutes just talking to them. And yet, we find that we

are so often distracted. Distracted by our phones, by the busyness in our lives, by the

things we prioritize.

The years are short – everyone tells you that. And honestly, there have been times that I

think when people say that phrase they must be suffering from amnesia because there

are many days that are just plain no fun – the kids are fighting (non-stop),

homeschooling isn’t going well (I’m loosing my patients), my Pinterest dinner was an

epic fail, my house looks like a hurricane swept through and my marriage is

disconnected…oh, and I’m exhausted!!! But I’ve come to realize that people say “enjoy

it now because it goes so fast” because they are reflecting on regret. Regret that they

didn’t reorder their lives to be present, to make the little moments a priority, to make

sacrifices of self, etc. The years really are so short – we have 18 yrs and then we launch

our children. But reality is we really stop our influential, direct parenting by 12 or

13…after that it is more just guiding and processing rather than instructing.

The days are extremely long – they are grueling, they are tough, they are unforgiving,

but the years really do fly by. What are your priorities? Would your time allocation

reflect what you would say matters the most? What are you sowing into? Where is your

greatest time investment going to?

This may surprise you, but, if you are married, your kids should not rank higher than

your husband. I think the best order is God, husband, children, family, friends, church,

work, etc. The very best blessing you can give to your children is a strong, vitalized

marriage! Invest there first, before your kids. And then pour into those little hearts.


Know your strengths! Know how God has gifted and equipped you. Psalm 139 – God

knit us together in our mother’s wombs. Before the foundation of the world He knew us.

God is a God of order and all of His creation is on purpose and for a purpose. You are

not exempt from this. In fact, Genesis tells us that we are made in His image. That in

all of creation mankind is the greatest of all that God created. If he took the time to

design insects, bugs, animals, plants, the planets with such care, concern and

deliberateness, how much more so did He do that when He created you? You are not a

mistake!! You are gifted, talented, blessed and loved. Do you know how you tick? Do

you know what God has placed in you for His ultimate purpose for your life?

God picked you to mother your children. Of all the women in the world you were the

perfect and best women for the job. YOU! Because of who He made you to be and who

He made your children to be – it’s the perfect match! This doesn’t mean you won’t

struggle, and that hurt won’t happen… We all exercise free will in how we apply our

gifts and our talents.

A brave mom knows who she is, who’s she is and how to use her strengths to her

advantage. Its knowing your personality, your likes and dislikes. Its using your

strengths to minimize your weaknesses. It’s confidently applying those gifts in your


- Amy Oliver, MS, LMFT

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